Internal Monologue

Learning about myself

I wonder if I love myself. I don’t often treat myself very well, but I am trying. I was in pain this weekend, and went to the ER for help. I followed up with my primary care office this morning. I had Xrays taken that made me cry. Years ago, I would have carried on until the pain became unbearable, barking at anyone who tried to help. Baby steps took me to medical care this weekend.

But I don’t take regular care of myself. I know this and am only sometimes ashamed of it.

I need to drink more water. I need to eat more fiber. I need to move more. In my childhood, needs always came before wants. I think, at this point in my adulthood, want has to come first.

I want to love myself. I want to be sure I love myself.

So, if there are a series of questions that will make you love a conversation mate, I might as well spend time asking myself those same questions. Perhaps I can learn to be compassionate, kind, and gentle with myself through them.

I promise myself that I will keep my answers as natural and fluid as possible… hitting backspace only occasionally when I see a missepelled word. Or not. We’ll see.

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About the author

Brianna, like most of her peers in middle-age, is still trying to figure it out. While it does get better, it never seems to get simple. There will be a mix of spirituality exploration, health struggles, and among all the randomness, also determining what she wants to do with her one and precious life (still and forever).

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